I had to write to you today, because of an eye-opening weekend. I spent last weekend in San Diego - and if you haven’t visited, I definitely recommend going! It was beautiful on the coast - sparkling pacific ocean water, perfect 75 degree weather, and sunshine! I wasn’t there just for fun, though, I was visiting for a personal development retreat.
As you already know, I have been on a journey of self-discovery the past several years; re-connecting who I am and what my purpose in life really is. Re-connecting with the healing aspect of myself was the easy part - getting that information out into the world, well, that had been a source of struggle for me. Building a business is a labor of love, and it takes so much more than I really knew when I started out. And I know, now, that I need to have help and support to get things moving.
And so, the retreat was pretty amazing. I spent two days with 4 lovely ladies, 2 of them coaches for the weekend, and 2 others that joined me in learning. Our 2 coaches are great people, with big hearts, and an even bigger vision, both for themselves and their students. I absorbed so much information in two short days - I am still discovering things that I learned and didn’t notice right away.
The biggest lesson for me was learning that the pieces of myself that I take for granted, are not the same for everyone. For example, the day I travel is kind of a stressful day for me. I don’t enjoy flying, and would honestly prefer to drive over being stuck in an airplane. So, sitting in the airport waiting to board takes some mental discipline on my part. Of course, I had some distractions in the form of electronics and books. And I met a stranger - I didn’t get her name - that just walked over and started chatting with me as we waited in line. She made me laugh and distracted me from my usual jumbled thoughts about crashing into the ground strapped into an airplane seat. Yes, these are things that enter my mind at the prospect of plane travel. Thank goodness for such a kind stranger!
And then, getting on board the plane, I had two great people sitting next to me. We chatted about why we were travelling, and the best drinks to kick off our weekend adventure while sitting on the plane. Once again, had two more generous strangers distracting me from stressful and fearful thoughts.
The flight itself was great - barely a bump in the air, and arriving early to a spectacular west coast sunset. I had my rental car and was on my way to a luxury spa hotel in about 15min after landing. I had people directing me to the rental place without even asking, and super fast assistance in getting me on the road from the rental car staff themselves.
I know what you are thinking “wow, that was fast and easy!”, and you are absolutely right! For me, though, this always happens. Seriously. I barely EVER have issues when I travel. I get great flights with little turbulence, wonderful traveling companions, easy boarding, quick and easy cars - it’s just the way things are for me. Totally crazy that I stress out - right? For me - this routine is actually stressful!
And you know what? I didn’t even notice how easy things are for me. It happens so often that for me it’s just a routine that happens each time I travel. In comparison to other travellers, I am quite blessed with ease and grace.
And that’s how I discovered that I totally miss opportunities, even when they are standing right in front of me. I take things that happen to me for granted - because they happen all the time.
Another example: I was in the pool later that same evening. Heaven after several 95+ degree days in Colorado, let me tell you. I was waiting for a couple of friends to join me, and didn’t feel like just sitting there with a lovely salt-water pool mere steps from my feet. There were only 3 others in the water, so wide open for floating and splashing!
And there is was - another kind stranger that just started chatting with me. We talked about why we were each visiting the hotel, and our plans for the weekend. We traded jokes and anecdotes just like old friends. Which is when my friends showed up - and were surprised to find me in the pool chatting instead of waiting on the side. It turns out this stranger that was chatting with me was interested in my line of work - specifically Cannabis massage. He was in finance with some investors that had mentioned their interest in the “mari-ju-ana” business. I laughed, and thought nothing of it - not even enough to hand out a business card! I know you are thinking that I missed out, and I realized it, too...... later. It was obvious to everyone else, just not to me!
There is was - floating in the pool with me, making jokes about Cannabis and how their client pronounced “Marijuana”, and I didn’t see it for what it was: a way for me to get my business out into a new audience. Thank goodness one of the coaches was in the water with me that night - she saw the moment and let me know. She also comforted me when it actually hit me that I missed out. Like seeing a big, red, “OVER HERE” sign, and turning the wrong way anyway. it was crushing, but a wonderful learning experience, all the same.
So, take a look around - are there things that you take for granted because it’s just how things are for you? Are you struggling to create the perfect moment, and missing the same moment with a different face standing right in front of you? Things that seem obvious to you, that always happen, that are a part of how you live your life, are not the way things are for everyone. Taking the time to actually notice these things can make a HUGE difference as you move forward.
There were many moments this past weekend, but this one was my biggest lesson. If I really want to get things moving, I need to PAY ATTENTION! What I am asking for is right there, but I was too busy thinking things had to be a certain way to even notice.
Trust me, I will notice now.
Love & Blessings,
Why Can't I Just Stay Calm??
I woke up this morning in a great mood, which took about 2 seconds to change after talking to a family member. I don’t know what it is about family, but they always trigger crazy responses from me - and I realized that this response was because I wanted her to do something that she didn’t do. I always seem to want this person to do something that I think is right, already knowing she’s going to ignore me and do what she wants anyway - and it just irritates me!
Why on earth am I feeling so irritated? Does it really matter to me, or make a difference in my life if she doesn’t listen to me? My ego is sitting here inside my head screaming “YES, it damn well DOES matter!”.... While my quiet, calm soul is saying softly “no, it doesn’t matter. She’s going to do things her way, and you love her anyway.”
So why am I listening to my ego? What do I get out of this situation by basically attempting to force this person to listen to me and do things my way? And it hit me - outside validation. My ego really wants to be RIGHT - no matter what! I don’t get anything tangible out of it, just a sense of superiority, and some smugness on the side.
I decided to go deeper into this response as well - after all, I have spent two years working with my emotional responses, so I know I need to dig into this irritation. And I found something out about myself. I wasn’t angry at her - that was only the surface response. What I was really upset about was her not recognizing something about me. I felt like she didn’t see my and my ideas as good ones, and therefore, she didn’t accept me for who I am. And what was I doing? Not accepting her and her responses as who SHE really is. Life is a mirror, as I have said many times before, and here I was, looking in my mirror again and feeling like I wasn’t being accepted as I am.
As I sit here writing this, and cringing over my not-so-nice attitude while I was speaking to her this morning, I have realized something else. What I really want out of life - what most people, if not all people, want out of life - is to be accepted and loved for who they truly are, with no strings attached. And I thought, "do I really accept myself for who I am and understand all of the good and bad pieces of me? Do I really love those things about myself that are small, and egotistical?" The short answer is no - I still haven’t truly accepted myself. So what do I get? Experiences all around me that reflect that - challenges to my ego where what I say or think is dismissed, the same way I am dismissing what others think and say.
And so, I have to apologize to my family member. She didn’t do anything but ask me a question, that I had an expectation around, and I got angry with her for absolutely no reason. I definitely need to listen to my quiet soul more, and not the loudness of my ego. I do love and accept this person for who she is, and I need to remember that. Who am I to judge her actions? Who am I to judge ANYONEs actions? I am just me, and I need to accept myself first, and extend that acceptance to all.
And I will - after all, I am an imperfect work-in-progress.
Love & Blessings,
Stacy Hoffman-Farmer, LMT
Stacy is a licensed massage therapist, and Usui Reiki Level 2 Master with 11 years of experience. She has been on her own personal healing journey her whole life, with a focus on healing herself, and helping others heal since 2014.